One from the files. Last year I went on vacation and (naturally) started texting with a cute boy while away. I met him on OKC (where else) and we’d started chatting. His profile had a picture of him walking away from the camera, and when I asked him why he didn’t have a picture of his face he told me he’d experienced an unfortunate ‘stalking incident’.
Mmm ok. Weird, but not out of the realm of possibility. He texted me a couple photos and he seemed normal (looking) so I went with it.
We started making plans to meet up when I got back into town. I was excited- this guy was cute, liked talking to me, and was eager to meet in person. What could go wrong?
For SOME reason I decided to Google him before we met up. All I had was his first name and his phone number. So, naturally, I found out:
- His real name
- Where he worked
- Where he lived
- His wife’s name
- His wife’s email address
- His son’s name
- His facebook profile
Of course he was too good to be true! Why would I have expected differently? This is internet dating, after all!
There was a 1% chance that maybe he was divorced or separated, so I tested out my findings the next time we spoke.
Me: Hey, have you ever been married? Or do you have any kids?
Him: [Suspiciously long silence] No, you?
I don’t get inundated with emails from OKC guys, but I get my fair share. Most of them tend to be along the lines of the following:
they say time reveal all and heal all wounds so i wounder what a life time would reveal with you…how you doing
I can’t help but read this in the voice of Joey Tribbiani.
The toymaker and I met up for dinner and drinks. He was cute in an artsy, beardy way. I found myself having to answer a few work emails during the date which is pretty much the worst– I hate when people answer their phones or text during dates or outings. I kept apologizing and he told me that if I didn’t stop saying ‘sorry’, he would kiss me to shut me up. Needless to say, I was getting a much better vibe from him than I’d gotten from the Professor.
We wrapped up dinner and headed out to get a drink. He grabbed my hand along the way and kissed me on the street corner. After drinks we made our way to Boston Common and made out on a park bench, huddling close against the cold.
He texted me on my way home to tell me what a good time he had and that he would like to see me again. I followed his Instagram account and he followed me back — flirting in the age of social media. We set up a date for the next week.
So of course instead of seeing him again, I found myself texting him earlier this week asking that age old question:
‘Do you just want to be Instagram friends or are you interested in me?’
His answer: ‘Don’t know right now.’
That doesn’t even merit a response. So much for this particular cute bearded artist. Dating. It’s not easy.
Sometimes you think: I’ll take it slowly this time. No need to rush. Let’s get to know each other and let the physical stuff take a back burner. I want to fall in love with your mind!
And then you try and kiss a guy and he gets scared and practically runs away, and you think: Yeah, that was a total waste of time.
Contrary to popular belief, I’m not a big fan of online dating. But I AM single, and I like to date. I would like to ultimately find a partner. I don’t really meet people in my day to day life, so … online it is. There are definitely good, nice, normal people out there. I have to keep reminding myself of that fact on days when I get messages like this one:
Hello, how are you? I’ll be honest with you, I’m married and looking for a mistress. I use that term loosely but it seems to work. Someone to get to know, talk to, if there is chemistry then see where it goes. If you’re interested in talking and giving a handsome, adulterous man a chance let me know. Might be surprised. Hope to hear from you. :)
Or this one:
Hi there, you look and sound like a real cutie !! I’d love to hear more about you. I was pretty sure I was going to email you and then I stumbled upon your Q&A question stating that you are extremely ticklish :) I happen to be an expert Tickler my dear !! I even did research on the healing power of laughter and the ticklish response during my BA in psychology. I’d love to show you first hand (or rather first foot) the wonderful things I learned :)
Just because tomorrow is a city-wide snow day doesn’t mean I’ll sleep with you. Ugh sometimes guys are the worst.
Why is it that the minute someone becomes slightly unavailable, my interest level skyrockets?
I said I was going to focus on me and what makes me happy… instead I find myself thinking about the past and going over what if’s and if only’s. It’s not healthy, it’s not fun, and it’s not productive. I think I’m finally understanding that no amount of wishing is going to change reality. Sometimes you have to make mistakes, knowing full well they are mistakes, in order to move on.
This was a business school lesson that holds true for life– fail. Learn from your failures. Keep trying and do better. I’ve done a lot of failing in 2013. I’ve also learned a lot. And I guess the only thing left for me to do is to keep on plugging away.
I will admit, I have been known to screen grab some text exchanges with exes, before I delete their info from my phone. Those texts are the modern-day version of love letters. Which is kind of hilarious, and sad, all at the same time. Instead of a beautifully thought-out and written yellowing letter, I have a text from six months ago that reads ‘Whut up’.
The other murky area of modern-day dating is the leftovers. Nowadays, Facebook friending and following each other on various social media sites is de rigeur if you end up dating someone longer than a month or so. What happens when those relationships end? I have some ‘friends’ and I don’t know how to manage my connection with them. Is it creepy to remain friends/cyber stalkers once the relationship is over? Is it a natural progression in today’s interconnected and digital world?