Remember Benjamin From The Internet? He’s back!
I will admit to being slightly perturbed that OKC thinks this is ‘one of the best messages’ I’ve ever received. Do they know that we are already together?! Or that this guy is a TOTAL weirdo?! EDIT: Also… Wakefield…? Ugh.
“Benjamin from the Internet” (his words, not mine) sent me this enticing note. Good bye, singlehood!
Happy Holidays! Once again I’m entering this holiday season trying to ignore all the engagement/pregnancy/puppy/happiness going on around me as best I can. I’ve decided to take a break from my online dating escapades for a while, after a particularly disappointing outcome with the last guy.
Why is dating so complicated? And why is the progression from meeting to dating to feelings so hard? If you don’t eventually want a relationship but you don’t want a casual hookup, then it is IRRESPONSIBLE to portray yourself as emotionally mature and available, and you don’t belong on a dating site.
OK enough about that. Time to finish out the year focusing on myself and what makes me happy. For right now that means catching up with friends, my fake masking tape fireplace, Doctor Who episodes, and getting back to the gym.
The dangers of gchat-ing with someone before actually meeting up is that sometimes a random guy will email you a picture. You’ll be confused because said picture was on his dating website profile, and you’ve already seen it. So he says he’s going to email you another picture, but you suspect it’s going to be a dick pic. You tell him it’s probably a good idea just to delete it. He says he just sent it, but delete it when you get it. You OBVIOUSLY take a look at the pic.
Yup, it’s a dick pic. Well hello there.
He says geez you shoulda just deleted it. You respond with dude, you went to all the trouble of taking the pic and sending it. He tells you that he’s in a ‘strange state of being’ and signs off.
Guys? Can we start with some abs first? At this point I’d even be fine with photos of your car. This is getting old.
The dangers of texting with someone before actually meeting up is that sometimes when you leave your phone on silent overnight, you wake up to not 1, not 2, but 10 text messages– one of which is a picture of a random dude’s junk. Yes. His JUNK.
Well hello there.
How about some abs or a nice shot of your arm muscles (with or without tattoo)? I mean, really? Really? Sigh.
I woke up this morning, checked my OKC messages, and then took a look at who had viewed my profile during the night. TO MY HORROR one of my coworkers had taken a look at my profile. Not going to lie, I MAY be slightly traumatized.
XXX ‘stalked’ my online profile for several days. His profile picture showcased a dim photo of a guy with a large hat on and no shirt. Finally he mustered up the courage to send me an email. Here it is, recreated in its entirety: