2013 in review

Love me some stats!

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 9,500 times in 2013. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Break

Happy Holidays! Once again I’m entering this holiday season trying to ignore all the engagement/pregnancy/puppy/happiness going on around me as best I can. I’ve decided to take a break from my online dating escapades for a while, after a particularly disappointing outcome with the last guy.

Why is dating so complicated? And why is the progression from meeting to dating to feelings so hard? If you don’t eventually want a relationship but you don’t want a casual hookup, then it is IRRESPONSIBLE to portray yourself as emotionally mature and available, and you don’t belong on a dating site.

OK enough about that. Time to finish out the year focusing on myself and what makes me happy. For right now that means catching up with friends, my fake masking tape fireplace, Doctor Who episodes, and getting back to the gym.

Monthly Check In

I’m at a conference in DC this week, and during a moment of downtime realized that it’s been almost a month since I checked in here. So yeah. Hello.

There are some topics that have been kicking around my head lately… who knows if I will write more on any of these topics, but here’s what I’ve been thinking about:
-Dating and how it sucks.
-Why we crave honesty when we don’t get it, yet reject it when we do.
-How to maintain a friendship when someone repeatedly doesn’t return your phone calls but manages to find time to post on various social media sites.
-If Facebook is making us all self-absorbed unhappy people, constantly striving to present an image of success and positivity to the world.
-How to ask for emotional support without sounding whiny.
-How to be vulnerable and not have it backfire on you.
-How to come to terms with not always being in control.
-How to be happy.
-If this blog is the right place to discuss any of this.

The News

I’ve written before about how, for the past year, I’ve been seeing a nutritionist weekly. However, when I moved to a new apartment in the beginning of September my nutritionist and I decided to take a break.

This is not a bad thing! But we decided that– what with my crazy schedule, along with where I was with my eating routine, I didn’t need to keep seeing her every week. So I took a month and a half off and went back to see her last night for the first time since the end of August.

The bad: Only down 1 lb since our last meeting. BUT I have less than 10 lbs to go (the last 10 lbs are the hardest for sure), and I am super psyched to have not GAINED anything.

The good: Although there wasn’t much movement on the weight front, I managed to decrease both my BMI and my body fat percentage! I am only 0.3 away from being in the ‘normal’ BMI range. Last year I was literally off the charts. And now I’m in the ‘average’ body fat percentage range.

So all in all, it was a pretty good check in! I am excited to have made it to this next stage of my lifestyle journey– no more food tracking, no more weekly meetings. There is still some work to be done. I need to get back into the gym, for starters! But it is empowering to see that I can live my life and not gain back the weight I worked so hard to lose. When I first started this journey 1+ yrs ago, I told myself that this was going to be a total lifestyle change. And it has been, and is.

Scale Down

I have written in the past about my efforts to get healthier over the past year or so. After the DVT/PE I suffered last summer, I was especially motivated to get my life on (a better) track.

I started seeing my trainer regularly. I started going to a nutritionist. I ran. I gave up pizza. (Mostly). I tried to give up booze and french fries (that didn’t work quite as well). I quit my biggest trigger food (Cheez-Its) cold turkey. I stopped taking cream in my coffee. I started going to the gym. I walked. I scooped my bagels. I cooked vegetables with strange names. I did a lot of squats.

I lost 40 pounds, 2 inches off my bra band, 3 jean sizes, 4 dress sizes, and some achy knees.

I still struggle with a lot of things in my life– not only actions but feelings and emotions. I feel extremely guilty because I don’t go to the gym nearly as often as I should. It is not second nature to me to get exercise regularly. I still hate to run. I’d much prefer to sit on the couch and watch Netflix or read a book. I have flabby arms and there’s no way you’d ever see me in a bikini — at least not this summer. I drink too much. I eat a lot of bread. A lot. I still feel really overweight. When I look in the mirror I see the unhappy, heavy ‘me’ from last year. When I look at pictures I immediately focus in on my flaws. I don’t like it when people tell me how tiny I am, because part of me doesn’t believe them– yet I crave recognition of my hard work. I don’t believe guys when they tell me I look cute or hot, so I’m always assuming the guys I date are liars. I don’t pick up the appropriate clothing sizes in the dressing room because I haven’t come to grips with the fact that I am actually smaller than I used to be. I have spent a fortune on belts. Items of clothing that I’ve been saving for years as my ‘skinny outfits’ are now too big on me, because I missed the window of opportunity in which to wear them. I don’t know how to respond when people compliment me on how I look so I get awkward.

So it’s with definite mixed emotions that I looked at my scale this afternoon and saw a number I’ve heretofore only dreamed of. 40 is such a nice, round, pretty number. It seemed so unattainable last year. It’s exciting, yet scary at the same time. I always thought that life would be so much better once I got to this point. It’s not that life is better or worse… I just face different challenges now than I did before. And that’s a lesson that I am still internalizing. So I am excited. Very, very excited. I’m tired, because there is more work to do and I don’t know where this journey ends. And in all honesty, I’m a little scared. But mostly excited.

So

How is it that I’m still single when I get guys telling me that I’m (direct quote here) “ridiculously awesome and like the hottest woman in Boston”…? Just wondering.

New Reality

So, it’s weird. I’ve lost a fair amount of weight over the past year. Enough that I am able to go, pick up a size S dress from a sidewalk sale, buy it without trying it on, take it home and have it fit perfectly. I mean, literally perfect. Love that this is my new reality.

True Story

When I was a senior in college, I applied for a puppeteering job. [Is puppeteering even a word? Well, it is now]. I made it to second round interviews and things were going swimmingly. Until my interviewer asked me how tall I was.

I was too short to be a puppeteer.

It was heartbreaking. They wouldn’t even let me try out, wearing platform heels. Sad, sad day.

So it was with a certain mixture of feelings the other day that I realized that I was TALLER than the guy I was on a date with. I mean, for someone who’s 5’1 and 3/4 (can’t forget the 3/4) that doesn’t really happen very often. Or, at all, really. I felt gargantuan. I could look down on his head! I felt bad that I hadn’t worn flats! I felt so tall!

I think I prefer being a shorty.

Discount Signage

I came across these two signs at TJ Maxx today and although I’m sure they were mass produced in a factory somewhere, I actually really feel like both signs exemplify how I try to live my life. So of course I took a shady picture (super bad quality unfortunately) and am rewriting here. I don’t know the origins of the lines for credit purposes. But they really spoke to me. (Not literally. That would be crazy).

Sign #1
Be humble
Call an old friend
Sing loudly
Give hugs
Stay curious
Take big chances
Hold hands
Make a new friend
Smile at a stranger
Live for today
Choose happiness
Push fear aside
Take pictures

Sign #2
Never look back unless you are planning to go that way