Celebrity

I’ve been writing this blog for a long time. Since 2003. It’s just a random little collection of thoughts, and has evolved over the years. College life, job stuff, business school, dating crap. I’m pretty sure no one really reads this except for a few friends, co-workers, and my dad.

Boom! Guess what guys– not true! I’m a celebrity!!!

I was at BU the other day to speak on a career panel about my job and career path since graduating, and afterwards there was a mingling session in the atrium. I was chatting with some fresh new bschool students and this guy came up to me. Here’s a rough approximation of our conversation:

Him: ‘Hey, so I was at the first career panel that you spoke at, and I wanted to ask you a question but didn’t want to ask in front of everyone else.’
Me: ‘Sure, what is it?’
Him: ‘So, do you write a blog?’
Me: ‘…Uh, yes…?’
Him: ‘Is it called ‘Felishdadish’?’
Me: *Dying*
Him: ‘Yeah so I read some of your posts about starting business school… and then I read the whole thing.’
Me: *Dying*

That’s right, I was recognized! I feel so famous! This is a first for me. Simultaneously one of the most hilarious yet embarrassing moments ever. I can’t believe that not only did someone totally random stumble across my blog, but then actually recognized me in public. What a small world!

According to my celebrity stalker (Hi Nate!), he found it ‘incredibly refreshing to find an actual real human’s opinion on the MBA experience rather than the typical bullet points that make up the rest of the internet. ┬áIt definitely helped me relax about any one of the nightmare scenarios I was thinking up at the time (“..armies of investment bankers, RUN!”)’.

Embarrassment aside, how awesome to know that my random ramblings were helpful to someone. That’s so cool. As proof that he’d read my blog, Nate sent me this screenshot of his phone:

 

Excuse me everyone, I’m going to go and try not to let all this new found fame get to my head. :-D

 

2013 in review

Love me some stats!

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 9,500 times in 2013. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Break

Happy Holidays! Once again I’m entering this holiday season trying to ignore all the engagement/pregnancy/puppy/happiness going on around me as best I can. I’ve decided to take a break from my online dating escapades for a while, after a particularly disappointing outcome with the last guy.

Why is dating so complicated? And why is the progression from meeting to dating to feelings so hard? If you don’t eventually want a relationship but you don’t want a casual hookup, then it is IRRESPONSIBLE to portray yourself as emotionally mature and available, and you don’t belong on a dating site.

OK enough about that. Time to finish out the year focusing on myself and what makes me happy. For right now that means catching up with friends, my fake masking tape fireplace, Doctor Who episodes, and getting back to the gym.

Monthly Check In

I’m at a conference in DC this week, and during a moment of downtime realized that it’s been almost a month since I checked in here. So yeah. Hello.

There are some topics that have been kicking around my head lately… who knows if I will write more on any of these topics, but here’s what I’ve been thinking about:
-Dating and how it sucks.
-Why we crave honesty when we don’t get it, yet reject it when we do.
-How to maintain a friendship when someone repeatedly doesn’t return your phone calls but manages to find time to post on various social media sites.
-If Facebook is making us all self-absorbed unhappy people, constantly striving to present an image of success and positivity to the world.
-How to ask for emotional support without sounding whiny.
-How to be vulnerable and not have it backfire on you.
-How to come to terms with not always being in control.
-How to be happy.
-If this blog is the right place to discuss any of this.

The News

I’ve written before about how, for the past year, I’ve been seeing a nutritionist weekly. However, when I moved to a new apartment in the beginning of September my nutritionist and I decided to take a break.

This is not a bad thing! But we decided that– what with my crazy schedule, along with where I was with my eating routine, I didn’t need to keep seeing her every week. So I took a month and a half off and went back to see her last night for the first time since the end of August.

The bad: Only down 1 lb since our last meeting. BUT I have less than 10 lbs to go (the last 10 lbs are the hardest for sure), and I am super psyched to have not GAINED anything.

The good: Although there wasn’t much movement on the weight front, I managed to decrease both my BMI and my body fat percentage! I am only 0.3 away from being in the ‘normal’ BMI range. Last year I was literally off the charts. And now I’m in the ‘average’ body fat percentage range.

So all in all, it was a pretty good check in! I am excited to have made it to this next stage of my lifestyle journey– no more food tracking, no more weekly meetings. There is still some work to be done. I need to get back into the gym, for starters! But it is empowering to see that I can live my life and not gain back the weight I worked so hard to lose. When I first started this journey 1+ yrs ago, I told myself that this was going to be a total lifestyle change. And it has been, and is.

Scale Down

I have written in the past about my efforts to get healthier over the past year or so. After the DVT/PE I suffered last summer, I was especially motivated to get my life on (a better) track.

I started seeing my trainer regularly. I started going to a nutritionist. I ran. I gave up pizza. (Mostly). I tried to give up booze and french fries (that didn’t work quite as well). I quit my biggest trigger food (Cheez-Its) cold turkey. I stopped taking cream in my coffee. I started going to the gym. I walked. I scooped my bagels. I cooked vegetables with strange names. I did a lot of squats.

I lost 40 pounds, 2 inches off my bra band, 3 jean sizes, 4 dress sizes, and some achy knees.

I still struggle with a lot of things in my life– not only actions but feelings and emotions. I feel extremely guilty because I don’t go to the gym nearly as often as I should. It is not second nature to me to get exercise regularly. I still hate to run. I’d much prefer to sit on the couch and watch Netflix or read a book. I have flabby arms and there’s no way you’d ever see me in a bikini — at least not this summer. I drink too much. I eat a lot of bread. A lot. I still feel really overweight. When I look in the mirror I see the unhappy, heavy ‘me’ from last year. When I look at pictures I immediately focus in on my flaws. I don’t like it when people tell me how tiny I am, because part of me doesn’t believe them– yet I crave recognition of my hard work. I don’t believe guys when they tell me I look cute or hot, so I’m always assuming the guys I date are liars. I don’t pick up the appropriate clothing sizes in the dressing room because I haven’t come to grips with the fact that I am actually smaller than I used to be. I have spent a fortune on belts. Items of clothing that I’ve been saving for years as my ‘skinny outfits’ are now too big on me, because I missed the window of opportunity in which to wear them. I don’t know how to respond when people compliment me on how I look so I get awkward.

So it’s with definite mixed emotions that I looked at my scale this afternoon and saw a number I’ve heretofore only dreamed of. 40 is such a nice, round, pretty number. It seemed so unattainable last year. It’s exciting, yet scary at the same time. I always thought that life would be so much better once I got to this point. It’s not that life is better or worse… I just face different challenges now than I did before. And that’s a lesson that I am still internalizing. So I am excited. Very, very excited. I’m tired, because there is more work to do and I don’t know where this journey ends. And in all honesty, I’m a little scared. But mostly excited.