Anyway, as one might imagine, I have been getting quite the responses. None of which are from the dude in question himself, but it’s totally fine since the amusement value is through the roof. Most of the responses so far have been along the lines of, ‘I’m not the guy you posted about but I’ll take you out’. One guy brazenly asked me where I was going to take HIM out. The best response so far however has come from “R”, who posted the following (emphasis, comments and list formatting all mine, words all his):

Hi!
I read your Craigs List posting. I’m single and I’d like to chat and then meet.

5′ 7′
147 lbs
blue eyes
brown hair

How tall are you? {This question tells me he’s probably not really 5’7. And worried I’d be taller than him, IF I were to actually meet up with him}

I’m:
outgoing
adventurous
romantic
and I’ll make you laugh.

I have:
a business
a house with no mortgage {Oh my}
and a Lexus with a GPS. {Oh, a Lexus… AND a separate GPS??? Sweet sassafras you know just what to say to make a girl feel overheated}

I like going to:
restaurants
movies
museums
comedy shows
casinos
seaport towns
beaches
heated pools
hot tubs
touristy type places
fairs
festivals
and vacations, especially to the Caribbean Islands. {According to one of the pictures he sent me, he also enjoys nude beaches}

If you enjoy these things and fun evenings at home, I’d like to chat with you.
My direct e-mail address is ——@AOL.COM {AOL.com??? Oh no, oh no. You didn’t. Do people still use AOL? Apparently.}

I went through them a week or two ago and culled out some of the clothes that are too big for me or that I no longer wear. I ended up with a giant tupperware-full. My closet now consists primarily of shirts, dresses, skirts and pants that are S, XS, size 4 and 6. Shirts that were tight on me a year or two ago are now super baggy.

It’s hard to explain how mind-blowing this is. I’m not used to thinking about myself as a tiny person. (Short, yes. Tiny, no). But I love it. I’m not at the finish line yet, but it’s in sight and I know how to get there. I realize that reaching my weight loss goals won’t mean that I magically transform into some perfect version of myself. In fact, that’s the last word I’d ever use to describe myself.

I also realize that holding on to larger-size clothing is related to a subconscious fear that I might (for lack of a better word) regress and need them again one day. Here’s the thing– I’m NOT on a diet. I’m not taking some gross pre-made food or shakes. I’m not attending a weight-loss center. I’m not counting points or calories. I’m not denying myself booze or chocolate or bread. I AM exercising. I AM changing what I eat and how I think about food. This is a lifestyle change. And as such, I’m not going to keep this clothing safety net around, so Goodwill– you’re going to be getting a huge donation soon. Enjoy.

“You looking Asian.”

Maybe next time try writing a complete sentence first before we get to the ethnic assumptions.

I responded with:
“Who is this?”

And that was the end of that very odd conversation. I’m still not sure if I should be disturbed or not. I also still have no idea who it was.

Eew.

Hai everyone! I made a new category called “Dating Tips for Dudes”. Be sure to check back for some real gems of wisdom. Dudes, please take note.

I spent yesterday wandering around Somerville Open Studios. I’d wanted to check out the Artisan’s Asylum which promised robots. I mean, who wouldn’t want to hang out with robots?? Plus it was a gorgeous spring day in the city and I wanted to get the heck out of Brookline.

In a random turn of events, I ended up spending most of my day with my most recent ex {does he count as an ‘ex’ if we barely dated for 3 months? Whatever, yes} … I hadn’t talked to him since we broke up but he called me a few days before and for some reason I agreed to get coffee with him. That somehow turned into us getting lunch and spending several hours looking at art together.

OK yes. It was a little weird. In all honesty I am still not really sure how I feel about the whole situation. I had really strong feelings for this guy and the way he treated me was very douchebag-esque. It hasn’t been a good month or two for me on the personal side. I’m still upset and angry about certain things that happened. On the other hand, I had a lot of fun with him and we are interested in a lot of the same things. Even given my conflicted feelings towards him, I still enjoyed hanging out with him yesterday. It wasn’t the same as before, of course. I feel like I (have to) have my guard up around him.

So, are we friends? I don’t know. I’ve never been friends with an ex. Do I still want this guy in my life? Also, not sure. Many of my friends have been urging me to just cut all communication with him, and maybe I should. But maybe things happen for a reason and I just don’t know what that reason is right now. Clearly, I’m still confused. That’s OK. It’s OK to be confused. I am allowed to work through these feelings.

After we parted ways I headed over to get dinner in Davis Square with friends and their cutie-pie 2 year old. While catching up and stuffing ourselves silly with sushi, I regaled them with tales from the tragi-comedy that is my current dating life: The Carpenter {nice, talented, but no attraction on my part} … 26 Year Old Graffiti Artist {cute, ‘wild’, but a total flake} … Tattooed Chef {so damn hot, such a tough schedule} … Software Engineer {I think he has Asperger’s} …

A random guy had come in and was waiting near our table for his take-out sushi order. At one point, as I was describing my ridiculous series of exchanges with Software Engineer {sample: “feel free to call or text me anytime. Except for when I’m driving. Or working. Or…”} he butted in and asked if SE’s name was Jonathan by any chance, since it sounded like I was describing his brother. I laughed and said no, and we bantered briefly. I continued to chat with my friends about dating, pretty frankly. {Example: Guys, if a girl texts you and says she’s tipsy, that is an INVITATION TO CHAT!!! Don’t just tell her you had cheese and bread for dinner and then cut off all communications.}

Finally sushi guy’s order came. As he was leaving he broke into our conversation yet again to tell me that I sounded “fantastic” and that if I were 7 years older, he would ask me out himself. I was pretty much taken by surprise {um, dude was totally eavesdropping on me say what?}, so I didn’t do much beyond laugh and thank him, and then he took off. I will say though, he wasn’t that much older than me– maybe mid 30s? So I’m not really sure how young he thought I was. Either way, it was a great compliment from a stranger. Yes, as I think back over what I was saying about the dating gallery, I’m slightly embarrassed {the phrase “he’s just a distraction” comes to mind… also, “I’m keeping him on the back burner” … “I don’t have a type. I just want someone cute to make out with”… and “he hasn’t owned or watched TV in 10 years– what on EARTH are we going to talk about?!”…}. Haha.

But there was an example of me being me, and someone responding to it. I have to hope that at some point I will eventually find a super awesome hot guy who can actually talk about his feelings who thinks I’m awesome as well, without any need for compromise or changes or tears on either side.

“I like my math the way I like my bitches. Boring and with a shit load of problems.”