I haven’t posted one of these in a while.
So there was the time that I went out with Polyamorous Man. I actually didn’t realized he was poly when I originally messaged him, nor was I particularly interested in dating him. However, he mentioned that he was involved in blues dancing on his profile and I wanted to know more about that. So I wrote him, and he wrote back to me. One thing led to another, he asked me out, I said yes. I was pretty sure he wasn’t my type but sometimes you just need to say YES to the universe, if only to get a hilarious story!
I met up with PM at the local ice cream place on a Sunday afternoon. He walked in the door and I right away knew that my cute date outfit was going to be wasted on this guy. He wasn’t ugly, but neither did he have any sort of dynamic personality. He was just sort of blah, in a weird pasty white pudding way. He also lisped.
As the date progressed he started to make vague references to his ‘kink’ and ‘fetish lifestyle’. At this point I’d realized that he was poly. In all honesty that’s not something I’m particularly interested in. But I figured I’d roll with it and see what happened. Things got kind of awkward when he started talking about FetLife, we were suddenly surrounded by 10 screaming children covered in melted ice cream and sugar, and he stated that it was probably best that he change the topic of conversation.
The date ended awkwardly and I figured that was that. However, a day later he messaged me to ask me out again (!). At this point I was positive I didn’t want to date this guy. But I figured, again, what’s the harm. Maybe I judged him too harshly the first time around. I also figured that at least I might make out with him at the end of the night and I was curious to see what his kissing technique might be like.
Second date rolled around and during the date I realized that he was basically auditioning me to be his primary partner. Now here’s the thing: I couldn’t imagine that this guy was a dominant, let alone that he had several secondary partners he was regularly intimate with. So I abandoned all pretense that this was a date and started treating it like an interview.
I mean, it WAS pretty fascinating! He regularly dropped lines like:
“I’m looking for the American dream: wife, 3.5 kids, house on the hill with a white picket fence, dungeon in the basement…”
“At the last sex camp I went to I was sitting on a hill having a picnic with some folk when two naked women strolled up and said ‘she’s looking for someone to PEE on her!’ I was like ‘well, not right now but maybe later…?’
Him: “What are you up to this weekend?”
Me: “Well I’m going to dinner with a friend tomorrow, and then I have book club on Sunday! What are you doing?”
Him: “Oh I’m going to a sex party.”
I learned all about underground sex parties, the sex convention that happens every year in Providence, people who can orgasm on cue, etc. It was pretty interesting.
At the end of the date he told me he didn’t feel any chemistry and I agreed with him. Thus ended my brief foray into the world of poly dating.