I’ve been on a bit of a holiday break. Trying not to use the computer TOO much, home with family, catching up on sleep… and my OKC messages, apparently. It’s amazing how many guys come out of the woodwork around the holiday season. I’ve got a couple theories on why this is:
a. Boredom. They’re home home with not that many people around, or home with family, and not much too do late at night.
b. Engagements. The holidays are a single person wasteland. It seems like every other picture on my Facebook feed is of yet another couple flashing a ring photo or updating their relationship status. All that is great, don’t get me wrong. But it’s just yet another reminder that I’m still single, for both me and well-meaning (but persistent) family members.
c. New Year’s Eve. No one wants to be alone on New Year’s Eve. There’s that cultural perception that NYE is this glamorous night for kissing someone special under the mistletoe, when the clock changes to 12:01 AM, and guys figure that now is the time to go on the prowl to find someone to be with when that happens.
So boys, thank you for all your emails and text messages. See you in January.
So, through the magic of Twitter and Facebook I have discovered that a guy I used to date is now married. [This is not the first time this has happened].
This is a guy for whom I fell hard, head over heels like a pinwheel. I’ve never felt the way I did about him about anyone else. We had instant chemistry… I’ll admit, I was pretty obsessed with him.
This is also a guy who was a royal jerk [why is this such a theme with me?]. He told me to my face that I was second best and he was only spending time with me because the girl he was really interested in didn’t want him. Nice, huh. Needless to say, I didn’t like hearing that [who would?] and even though it was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do, I broke it off with him.
I used to fantasize about running into him randomly, and he’d be shocked to see me, and he’d instantly regret that he was so dumb, and he’d be so sorry he treated my amazing and fabulous self so poorly. That is, until I actually DID run into him randomly this one time in the customs line in India. After I’d flown almost a full 24 hours halfway around the world, was sweaty, gross, wearing my glasses, and was also nearly 30 lbs heavier than the last time I’d seen him. No joke, I spent the entire time in line holding up a piece of paper to shield my face. It was utterly embarrassing. A romcom gone horribly wrong.
Nevertheless, I still had some kind of vague interest in him and would hope that he was alone and dateless, just like me. But I guess I have to end that fantasy of mine, now that I’ve scrolled through his wedding pictures [to the girl he was really interested in, all those years ago... Yeah]. It’s a little surprising how much it hurts to have to let go of that little curl of vague hope. I’m not upset that this guy is no longer available– in the end, he was a huge asshole and broke my heart. I’d never want to put myself through that rollercoaster of emotions twice, and anyone who thinks they can tell me I’m second best and get away with it has another thing coming. But I’m kind of sad that my fantasy is over and I must put it to rest.
Have you ever run across an ex and felt regrets when the reality no longer matched the picture in your head?
One of the things I don’t like about online dating is that it can sometimes be really difficult to know how to respond to people. For example, I frequently get messages like this one:
Um. Hey. What do you do with this kind of an overture???? It’s actually worse than getting catcalled on the street, because at least then I could just turn around and flip the dude off. But this, this, I don’t even know what to call it! Is it a note? An email? A letter? A sneer? A sincere attempt at human interaction?