…In Which I Ponder… A Lot

I need more sleep. The last two mornings have been brutal. Countdown til this weekend: T – 2.5 days.

The bachelorette/bridal shower weekend went really well. Friday morning I had a leisurely breakfast at my favorite diner joint with A (is it weird that we still do couply things together even though we’re no longer a couple? Is it weird that I’m going on a completely platonic getaway with him to CANADA in one week?) and then hopped in the car and drove down to Queens. The girls all met up in NYC Friday evening and we had a great night filled with hilarity, toilet paper veils, multiple ‘hey sexy’s’ whispered to passing inappropriate strangers, old men trying to follow us home, and failed ‘go go power rangers’ moments at stop lights. It was good.

Saturday we woke up much too early and drove down to NJ. The bridal shower was beautiful and there was much unwrapping of presents. Saturday evening things calmed down quite a bit, and after a yummy dinner of homemade saag and parathas, Huma, Ali and I headed out to the movies and then crashed hard. Sunday was spent dealing with bridal shower aftermath, and after an early dinner with Huma I headed back home to Boston. Not bad, all in all. I laughed so much my stomach hurt, took many many pictures, played with the cutest babies imaginable, and am still sleep deprived.

Sunday night I got a call from an old college friend (side note– does he still count as a ‘college friend’ if we only spent one year actually in college together? Discuss). I hadn’t talked to him in a very long time, and we caught up in a massive 2 hr long conversation that was SO needed. We ended up talking about GMATs and business school, since he is applying this fall for next year. I can’t believe that I was going through this same process a year ago. It seems like it was so long ago, and I have forgotten so much from that time period of my life– I think I’ve blocked it out because it was so traumatic. Talk about being sleep deprived and stressed to the max. Talk about signing myself up for two years of this madness. I think I convinced him to go for round 1 applications instead of round 2. Everyone says there is no difference, but it’s simple math people!!! There are just more spots open in round 1 than there are in round 2. Plus you can find out earlier whether or not you got in to a program. Don’t drag out the torture any longer than you need to.

We also talked a lot about relationships, since we are both dealing with how to pick up after the end of a relationship. His lasted 5 years and was ended in a fairly harsh manner, whereas mine only lasted a year and a half, and was not so much a ‘break up’ but a ‘redefinition’, and was initiated by me. It was nice to talk about my feelings to someone who is in sort of the same position. It seems like all around me, everyone I know is pairing up, getting married, getting engaged. In the past year I have had three of my good friends get married; one is getting married next month, one is engaged, two more have babies on the way, and I haven’t even started to include the friends in long-term relationships. I’m kind of feeling like the odd (wo)man out these days.

Anyway, R said something that really made me think. He said, “maybe the reason your relationship didn’t last is because you were too rational. You made the decision to develop feelings for A, and that’s why it was so easy for you to ultimately make the decision to stop having those feelings.” I don’t necessary agree entirely with this statement, or with the rest of what we talked about, but it definitely struck a chord with me. I never fell into a crazy head over heels type thing with A. Our entire relationship was very rational and considered. Granted, I think I am a very rational person, but perhaps you need to jettison some of that careful, measured consideration if you are going to have something special with another person. Maybe it’s not always good to approach a relationship with the same kind of thought processes and actions that are useful or practical for work or business school. Hmmmm. It’s good to come at an issue from a different point of view, it reminds me that I only know so much and I still have a lot to learn about myself and life in general.

Big Sigh

First application is……….. submitted! As of 11:59 AM today. It is pretty incredible to think that I have already made it to this point, when just two months ago I was still deciding if I wanted to apply to b-school this year or not. I am looking forward to the coming months and continuing this journey. I’m not sure what will end up happening, but one thing is for sure– there will be some changes in my future! I’m excited.

*cue dramatic music*

Today is the big day! My GMAT rematch! Wish me luck.

Take Three

N. wants my number. What is going on??? Ever since A. left last week I have been fending off guys left and right. Can’t wait until A. gets back home.

In other news, the Test- Round 2- is tomorrow afternoon. Trying not to get too freaked out about it. Keep your fingers crossed for me! I need all the luck I can get.

Take Two Pt. 2

So N. wants to get together with me… not sure what I will say to this.

In other news, T- 3 until the hideous GMATS!!!

T-14 until my boy gets back.

Bliss…

…is having a soft cushion for your bum… so happy my chair arrived today!

Thinking

This studying/application process is killing me. I almost succumbed to the urge to crawl under my desk and take a nap today… am seriously considering bringing a small blanket with me to work tomorrow…

One of the things I lack in my room is an adequate desk chair. I have been using an old wooden chair which, while sturdy, is not exactly very comfortable. When I started spending more time in this chair recently, I snagged a pillow from the living room couch and have been sitting on that. It still does a number on my arse. I mean, I have some padding down there but not THAT much! I finally broke down this past weekend and purchased a cheap executive desk chair from Office Max online… pray God that it arrives soon. As I was taking my GMAT prep exam tonight I kept whimpering in pain, and at one point was mildly horrified to realize that I’d just shouted, “I’m DYING!!!!!!!!!” out loud. Luckily the neighbors did not break down the door. Unluckily (should I ever actually be dying in my apartment) the neighbors did not break down the door.

I sure hope that chair is sitting on my porch when I get home tomorrow. Spending 8 hrs a night on a hard wood surface can make you start to go a little nutso.

Back… for now…

Busy busy couple weeks here on the homestead. I didn’t end up doing as well as I’d hoped on the GMAT last month, so it’s back to the books and we’ll try this once more. Two weeks until the next go-round! UGH.

Have also been busy preparing my first application. It is nuts to think that one month ago I willingly decided to put myself through this torture. All I can hope is that all the hard work pays off in the long run. If I can just get through these next few weeks I’ll still have plenty of insanity to deal with, but it won’t be as all-consuming and life-draining as it feels right now.

I am realizing that the little things really are what matter. Sleeping in on a Sunday morning. Spending an hour reading the newspaper. Watching a football game with friends. The boy will be leaving right before my next GMAT attempt… he’ll be back in November, but it will be weird to have him gone for those few weeks. I have come to depend on him so much for everything in my life, and I will have to learn to get along by myself for a little bit.

Nervous Tummy

Extremely nervous right now. I will be taking the GMAT on Wednesday….. !!!!!!!!!! I never thought I would be so close to this day. Up until a few short weeks ago I was still thinking that I would be dealing with this in December. Things have really been moving and shaking recently. My life for the past month has pretty much revolved entirely around studying and preparing for the exam. I come home from work, have an hour to eat dinner and get a little downtime, and then study until I go to sleep. Weekends have been taken up with laundry and studying. It’s been SO exciting!

I was chatting on the phone with my mom yesterday, and I told her that I wasn’t nervous; that I was moving along in a fog of calmness– almost as if I was watching myself from the outside. Well, that’s definitely changed. This afternoon when I came home from work, my stomach immediately balled itself up in a tight knot and started emitting distress signals. Only one and a half more days!!!! You can’t hide now! Ugh.

Well, there’s not too much more that I can do right now. All I can hope is that some information has sunk in over the past three and a half months of studying, and hope that I keep my cool on Wednesday long enough to make it to the finish line. My brain is tired from all the mental exercise I’ve been putting it through. I know it’s not happy with me for forcing it to solve all those math problems. Don’t give up on me yet, brain! I promise I’ll feed you lots of trashy novels once January rolls around…….

Freaking Out Right Now

I just registered for the GMAT. It is literally two weeks from now, to the day. What have I gotten myself into?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!