Dating Files #3

This is a mini-epic of a post. Settle in.

I spent yesterday wandering around Somerville Open Studios. I’d wanted to check out the Artisan’s Asylum which promised robots. I mean, who wouldn’t want to hang out with robots?? Plus it was a gorgeous spring day in the city and I wanted to get the heck out of Brookline.

In a random turn of events, I ended up spending most of my day with my most recent ex {does he count as an ‘ex’ if we barely dated for 3 months? Whatever, yes} … I hadn’t talked to him since we broke up but he called me a few days before and for some reason I agreed to get coffee with him. That somehow turned into us getting lunch and spending several hours looking at art together.

OK yes. It was a little weird. In all honesty I am still not really sure how I feel about the whole situation. I had really strong feelings for this guy and the way he treated me was very douchebag-esque. It hasn’t been a good month or two for me on the personal side. I’m still upset and angry about certain things that happened. On the other hand, I had a lot of fun with him and we are interested in a lot of the same things. Even given my conflicted feelings towards him, I still enjoyed hanging out with him yesterday. It wasn’t the same as before, of course. I feel like I (have to) have my guard up around him.

So, are we friends? I don’t know. I’ve never been friends with an ex. Do I still want this guy in my life? Also, not sure. Many of my friends have been urging me to just cut all communication with him, and maybe I should. But maybe things happen for a reason and I just don’t know what that reason is right now. Clearly, I’m still confused. That’s OK. It’s OK to be confused. I am allowed to work through these feelings.

After we parted ways I headed over to get dinner in Davis Square with friends and their cutie-pie 2 year old. While catching up and stuffing ourselves silly with sushi, I regaled them with tales from the tragi-comedy that is my current dating life: The Carpenter {nice, talented, but no attraction on my part} … 26 Year Old Graffiti Artist {cute, ‘wild’, but a total flake} … Tattooed Chef {such a tough schedule} … Software Engineer {I think he has Asperger’s}

A random guy had come in and was waiting near our table for his take-out sushi order. At one point, as I was describing my ridiculous series of exchanges with Software Engineer {sample: “feel free to call or text me anytime. Except for when I’m driving. Or working. Or…”} he butted in and asked if SE’s name was Jonathan by any chance, since it sounded like I was describing his brother. I laughed and said no, and we bantered briefly. I continued to chat with my friends about dating, pretty frankly. {Example: Guys, if a girl texts you and says she’s tipsy, that is an INVITATION TO CHAT!!! Don’t just tell her you had cheese and bread for dinner and then cut off all communications.}

Finally sushi guy’s order came. As he was leaving he broke into our conversation yet again to tell me that I sounded “fantastic” and that if I were 7 years older, he would ask me out himself. I was pretty much taken by surprise {um, dude was totally eavesdropping on me say what?}, so I didn’t do much beyond laugh and thank him, and then he took off. I will say though, he wasn’t that much older than me– maybe mid 30s? So I’m not really sure how young he thought I was. Either way, it was a great compliment from a stranger. Yes, as I think back over what I was saying about the dating gallery, I’m slightly embarrassed {the phrase “he’s just a distraction” comes to mind… also, “I’m keeping him on the back burner” … “I don’t have a type. I just want someone cute to make out with”… and “he hasn’t owned or watched TV in 10 years– what on EARTH are we going to talk about?!”…}. Haha.

But there was an example of me being me, and someone responding to it. I have to hope that at some point I will eventually find a super awesome hot guy who can actually talk about his feelings who thinks I’m awesome as well, without any need for compromise or changes or tears on either side.

Changes

So last year (and pretty much forever), my reaction to highly stressful or upsetting situations would be to eat. I would feed my sadness with food.

This year, apparently I no longer feel the need to turn to food when upset. I’m not really sure why this change has occurred, but I’ve had absolutely no appetite for the past week. It’s weird. I’m hungry but I can’t eat.

I realize that neither reaction is necessarily healthy. But it is what it is.

Farewell

I never asked you for
A sailboat in the yard
Or that fancy dress to wear
Or a ceiling made of stars
And all I got was just this
Broken heart from you

I’m done.

From “Farewell”
-Rosie Thomas

Thought Bubbles

Thought bubble

You know how in comic books people walk around with what they’re thinking conveniently written up in little thought bubbles? Why can’t we have the equivalent of that in real life? It would make interactions so much easier. Instead of having to guess at what an email, text message, or conversation really means, (if it actually means anything at all), you could just read the bubble and have clarity. Would that make things easier or just less exciting? The jury is out.

Forgetful

I think I kinda forgot how dating works.

Pros:
Anticipatory butterflies
Telling old worn out stories and having them glitter like new
Learning about someone else/ Having someone else learn about you
Small touches here and there, exciting and slightly subversive

Cons:
There are no rules to this game
It’s hard to figure out just how much of myself to reveal
Wondering how much we each like the other and what if the like isn’t equal
Waiting

Dating is fun. It’s also frustrating and stressful and exciting and lots of other things.

First Dates Are So… Interesting?

I should know, I’ve been on enough of them that I should add ‘expert in online dating’ to my LinkedIn profile.

Maybe not.

Going on a Second Date this weekend. It’s kind of exciting/nerve-wracking/scary/fun all at the same time.

It’s been a long time since my last second date. Actually, almost exactly a year. Last year I was miserable, unhappy with the way I felt and looked and lived. This year I consider myself a work in progress– there is still progress to be made, yes, but I feel like a totally different person. I feel younger, cute, fun, confident, happy, and optimistic. It’s a pretty good mental headspace to be in.

Wednesdays are better

The sun has come out, finally!!!! What a gorgeous day. There is no way I couldn’t feel terrific on a day like today. What a great spring present from Boston.

I’m going to try and finish up some reading so I can go back outside and enjoy the sun. But in the meantime, I’m glad to report that my teammate is doing better, though he still has a long road of rehab and recovery in front of him. I am sending him cards, pictures, and constant get well thoughts.

I’m also loving the British-accented voice-mails on my phone. ;)

Mondays are the Worst Days….

How bad was this Monday? Let me count the ways:

1. Spring forward. The clock in our classroom still read 7 AM this morning, instead of 8 AM. I woke up at what should have been 5:45 AM. UGH.

2. Midterms returned bright and early– NOT the way I prefer to wake up, thanks very much!

3. Rain. Torrential rain. There is water everywhere. I had to wrap every book in my backpack in plastic this morning. Break out the ark, Noah.

4. Class til 9 PM. A whole day spent at school. Nice.

5. Still no call back from my phone interview last week. Am I in or am I out? Put me out of my misery!!!

The only bright side to today was the emails I got from a certain mister mister who is calling me tomorrow. That’s right, just a short while after declaring how happy I am not to be dating, I’m apparently jumping right back into the dating pool. My potential date is tall, dark, has a great smile, and happens to be British (I can’t wait to hear the accent). He’s also a law student at BU. Keepin it all in the family. I’ll keep you posted. Off to bed!