Dating Files #21

Sometimes having to wade through hit or miss emails on a dating site is totally worth it:

Hello, how are you? You are a very gorgeous women. Im definitely attracted to you and I am interested in experiencing a conversation with you. . I am a musician, I write, sing, play bass and guitar to create new dimensions of metal and rock. I am a hair artist and a cosmetologist so I can provide services for you in all categories of beautification. I’m actually not straight, I’m gay… Lol No, I’m joking, I am straight, I can enjoyably experience your beauty and desire to know you beyond your physical beauty. If your enticed, message me. My name is ——- —. If you would like to converse by phone, call or text me at — — —-. I am looking forward to your response

LOLZ

Dating Files #20

One from the files. Last year I went on vacation and (naturally) started texting with a cute boy while away. I met him on OKC (where else) and we’d started chatting. His profile had a picture of him walking away from the camera, and when I asked him why he didn’t have a picture of his face he told me he’d experienced an unfortunate ‘stalking incident’.

Mmm ok. Weird, but not out of the realm of possibility. He texted me a couple photos and he seemed normal (looking) so I went with it.

We started making plans to meet up when I got back into town. I was excited- this guy was cute, liked talking to me, and was eager to meet in person. What could go wrong?

For SOME reason I decided to Google him before we met up. All I had was his first name and his phone number. So, naturally, I found out:

  • His real name
  • Where he worked
  • Where he lived
  • His wife’s name
  • His wife’s email address
  • His son’s name
  • His facebook profile

Of course he was too good to be true! Why would I have expected differently? This is internet dating, after all!

There was a 1% chance that maybe he was divorced or separated, so I tested out my findings the next time we spoke.

Me: Hey, have you ever been married? Or do you have any kids?
Him: [Suspiciously long silence] No, you?

………..

Dating Files #19

I don’t get inundated with emails from OKC guys, but I get my fair share. Most of them tend to be along the lines of the following:

they say time reveal all and heal all wounds so i wounder what a life time would reveal with you…how you doing

I can’t help but read this in the voice of Joey Tribbiani.

Dating Files #12

“YP” messaged me early in the year. His email stood out because he seemed to genuinely want to get to know me as a friend first, and then see if we might be (romantically) compatible later on. It is not the easiest thing in the world to make new friends at this point in my life, so I started emailing with him.

However.

YP pulled a Fade on me. I last heard from him in February of this year. Flash forward to a few days ago, when he popped up out of the blue. Surprise, surprise.

He claimed that he got sick of the site so he never got back to me. Fair enough, except for the fact that OKC allows me to see when other users are active. So — false.

I didn’t bother to respond. Apparently one day of no response was much too long for him because I just got another email tonight: “Soooo???”

My response: “No thank you.”

Sometimes you just have to be straight with these dudes.