Quotes of the Day:

“Ed is the fifth member from The Wizard of Oz: ‘If I Only Had A Girlfriend.'” -Dave

“Hi, I’m an author with Infinity, and I need a dresser. . . not a piece of furniture, but someone to dress me. . . ” -Dave

“Why didn’t she help you fix the docutech?” -Gabe. “She heard me say ‘ow.'” -Keith. (Um Keith, I think you said a little more than ‘ow!’)

I had a funny dream last night. I dreamt that while I was sleeping in the apartment alone, a guy climbed in through the window and tried to whack me over the head with my hair dryer. When that didn’t work, he threw my cell phone at me and ran, so I used it (the phone) to call 911 which, oddly enough, was staffed by the ladies from the HCA Housing Office except they were Indian and they asked me if I’d called my mummy and daddy yet. Obviously not!

So I was supposed to meet up with them at my wedding because incidentally I was getting married that afternoon. So while I acquired a husband I could also identify my attacker. Nice and neat.

Apparently my family was verry Indian (sorry Dad) so we were having this cross-cultural ceremony thing. I was all decked out in a sari etc. The staging area for the wedding was similar to the tunnels leading to a football field, except these tunnels led to the church. My family had to line up in the tunnels in a particular order to march into the church. While we were figuring out who was supposed to stand where, I realized that one of the dudes in my wedding party was the guy who’d attacked me. The 911 ladies weren’t there yet, so I decided to play it cool and not say anything until they got there.

We all marched in and I took my place at the altar which was actually a large stage (think Marshall). There were also microphones. It was a big auditorium I mean church. So I was hanging out up there, waiting for my fiancee to hurry up and arrive and get the show on the road. I guess the guests got bored because they started to perform electrical shock therapy on one of my young Indian brothers.

Luckily for him, my fiancee showed up. I guess he’d been at a bachelor’s party or something, since all he was wearing was a pair of teeny track shorts. He was pretty nervous since he was very whitebread and my family was very Indian. He asked the dude who attacked me where a washing room was, but we ended up just having the ceremony like that.

At that point things got a little weird (er?) because our ceremony was performed in Chinese, apparently a language I was fluent in but one he was not familiar with, so he had to hold a little aluminum box with the words to say. There were also pictures of him dressed up like Batman, holding me, in the box.

Then my alarm went off, so I don’t know whether the hair dryer dude was caught or not. I’ll keep you posted!


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