Have been thinking about last year. We had so much fun man. I realize now how much I miss my girls (and even people like Rich, yes I’ll admit it). I guess the thing I miss the most is being able to walk across the hallway and chill with different people. But that’s the way life goes, I suppose. We all have to move on.
I am going to NJ this weekend, SO EXCITED. I can hardly hide it. Looks like it might be just me and Humita, but that’s better than spending the weekend in RI with my landlords. Jaja. Maybe Lili will be awesome and take the train up. I think I’m going to drive down after work. Unfortunately I don’t have Monday off (something I didn’t realize until last night) so I have to be back Sun. night. But it will still be a blast.
It’s crazy, how life has changed so much. Things I thought would never end are over, and I am in the middle of so many new beginnings. I thought my family would never be able to recover from what happened two summers ago (at times I wasn’t sure I would be able to get over it myself) but we have learned to accept life and get beyond it. I am still a long way from repairing my relationship with John to what I think it was like before everything changed, but we are so much closer to getting there every month that goes by. Even if I sometimes feel like I’m more of his mother than his sister. And I am watching Simone grow into her own person, no longer just defined as my little sister. That’s very cool.
I remember thinking how life would be once I was a “real person.” Well I guess I am a real person now, paying bills, part of society, all that. It is still bizarre to me. Don’t I have a paper due somewhere? But I guess it’s true. It’s funny though, I never thought 23 would feel this way. That sounds so old. Gah.
I keep learning more about myself. I got a letter from Jeremy yesterday, which was awesome. He is such a deeply philosophical person, he always manages to get directly to the heart of what I tell him. I wish I had the same kind of spirituality he has, but I dont have it in me. Not at this point, anyway. I still have too much shit I need to deal with personally. And the hard thing is I think I have it all figured out, and then something comes along and proves to me just how wrong I am. Can’t figure out where I stand in life, who I am, what I believe in…. I wonder if I will ever or if I will always just be fatally confused?
Too deep for me. Off for now. Later