…In Which I Ponder… A Lot
I need more sleep. The last two mornings have been brutal. Countdown til this weekend: T – 2.5 days.
The bachelorette/bridal shower weekend went really well. Friday morning I had a leisurely breakfast at my favorite diner joint with A (is it weird that we still do couply things together even though we’re no longer a couple? Is it weird that I’m going on a completely platonic getaway with him to CANADA in one week?) and then hopped in the car and drove down to Queens. The girls all met up in NYC Friday evening and we had a great night filled with hilarity, toilet paper veils, multiple ‘hey sexy’s’ whispered to passing inappropriate strangers, old men trying to follow us home, and failed ‘go go power rangers’ moments at stop lights. It was good.
Saturday we woke up much too early and drove down to NJ. The bridal shower was beautiful and there was much unwrapping of presents. Saturday evening things calmed down quite a bit, and after a yummy dinner of homemade saag and parathas, Huma, Ali and I headed out to the movies and then crashed hard. Sunday was spent dealing with bridal shower aftermath, and after an early dinner with Huma I headed back home to Boston. Not bad, all in all. I laughed so much my stomach hurt, took many many pictures, played with the cutest babies imaginable, and am still sleep deprived.
Sunday night I got a call from an old college friend (side note– does he still count as a ‘college friend’ if we only spent one year actually in college together? Discuss). I hadn’t talked to him in a very long time, and we caught up in a massive 2 hr long conversation that was SO needed. We ended up talking about GMATs and business school, since he is applying this fall for next year. I can’t believe that I was going through this same process a year ago. It seems like it was so long ago, and I have forgotten so much from that time period of my life– I think I’ve blocked it out because it was so traumatic. Talk about being sleep deprived and stressed to the max. Talk about signing myself up for two years of this madness. I think I convinced him to go for round 1 applications instead of round 2. Everyone says there is no difference, but it’s simple math people!!! There are just more spots open in round 1 than there are in round 2. Plus you can find out earlier whether or not you got in to a program. Don’t drag out the torture any longer than you need to.
We also talked a lot about relationships, since we are both dealing with how to pick up after the end of a relationship. His lasted 5 years and was ended in a fairly harsh manner, whereas mine only lasted a year and a half, and was not so much a ‘break up’ but a ‘redefinition’, and was initiated by me. It was nice to talk about my feelings to someone who is in sort of the same position. It seems like all around me, everyone I know is pairing up, getting married, getting engaged. In the past year I have had three of my good friends get married; one is getting married next month, one is engaged, two more have babies on the way, and I haven’t even started to include the friends in long-term relationships. I’m kind of feeling like the odd (wo)man out these days.
Anyway, R said something that really made me think. He said, “maybe the reason your relationship didn’t last is because you were too rational. You made the decision to develop feelings for A, and that’s why it was so easy for you to ultimately make the decision to stop having those feelings.” I don’t necessary agree entirely with this statement, or with the rest of what we talked about, but it definitely struck a chord with me. I never fell into a crazy head over heels type thing with A. Our entire relationship was very rational and considered. Granted, I think I am a very rational person, but perhaps you need to jettison some of that careful, measured consideration if you are going to have something special with another person. Maybe it’s not always good to approach a relationship with the same kind of thought processes and actions that are useful or practical for work or business school. Hmmmm. It’s good to come at an issue from a different point of view, it reminds me that I only know so much and I still have a lot to learn about myself and life in general.