The Single Life

I have been MIA, I know. I have been busy with friends, spending one weekend at the lovely Cape wedding of even lovelier friends. The next weekend, with my best friend from college in a rare break from her work and daughter, while she still lives on the East coast. It has been great to see so many people I love take these happy steps into the next phases of their lives.

This all throws my own stagnancy into even sharper relief. Which is why I just sat and laughed until I cried when I read “The 9 Most Annoying Things to Say to a Single Person.” Some highlights include (along with snarky comments):

“Have you tried online dating?”
Online dating? What is this newfangled thing you speak of?

“It’ll happen when you least expect it.”
The problem is, if you’re single and actively looking, then you’re always kind of expecting it.

“You just need to ______.”
For some reason, people will be alarmingly frank about what they think is wrong with you as long as they say it within the context of dating.

And, my personal favorite:
“Wow, I am so glad I never have to be single again.”
Yes. Fabulous. I am so happy for your good fortune.

Let me tell you what being single is really all about. I go to work. I come home. I run. I eat dinner, I watch some TV. I read and I go to sleep. 8 hours later it starts all over again. And sometimes, if I’m lucky enough, I get an “I’m interested, want to meet up” email at 2:38 AM from a 25 year old guy named Scott.

Yes folks, I was sent a booty call email by someone I’ve never met and I wasn’t even awake to appreciate it! Which is why I’ve decided that my next start-up idea is
… drumroll…
the ASS signal. Shining into the night sky, these giant beams of light will make sure you get the booty call loud and clear. The signal of horny people on the prowl, everywhere. In the night, you’ll know that someone out there wants to get some.

I have a feeling this could be huge (cue bad butt joke). Who wants to be my first investor?


2 Comments on “The Single Life

  1. HAHAHAHAH.. if I had money to invest… nvm.

    Regarding single life, been there most of my life. Honestly, the month or two before I met my wife, I was miraculously content remaining single. It finally ‘clicked’ in my head that I was free to totally devote my energy and time to pursue my passions – career, hobbies, strengthening the fellowship of several friends, faith (no joke), etc. No commitments to any particular individual, no distractions, just complete freedom!

    With some hindsight, I observe that the best relationships develop naturally and definitely without pressure from one’s self or loved ones (even with the best intentions). Eventually, in my own personal experience, meeting ‘the one’ happens when you’re seriously involved and focused on something you are passionate about – because you’ll meet someone else who notices that passion … and eventually, you.

    All in all, sounds like you’re already doing what I tell all my single friends who ask me for advice (and I know you’re not asking): continue to live your life to its fullest. Someone will inevitably recognize how you are maximizing your life and totally appreciate you for that. But yes, the wait can suck.

    Hope that helps.

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