I’m Still Here

Wow, life has been busy. No posts here since March! Lots to update on, but that’s a post for another time. Just wanted to quickly note how crazy life is– four years ago this month I was visiting the doctor almost daily, giving myself shots, and getting blood drawn on the regular. I was miserable, I was probably experiencing some kind of PTSD, and I was not at a good point in my life.

Fast forward to today, and I’ve just bought my first pair of size 4 jeans… ever! That’s at least five sizes down over the last four years, maybe more. I’m probably the fittest I’ve been since I was four years old. That is kind of mind-blowing for me, to be honest. I’m really not used to thinking of myself as a small person. I’m used to having constant body-negative commentary running in the back of my head.

I have been seeing a personal trainer since 2012 (two over the years), and it’s not easy. I find that it’s a constant struggle to fit in the exercise, to push myself, to go hard, to eat well, to not have that second glass of wine. And that’s why I pay someone to essentially watch me sweat, and yell at me. But she’s also there to share in the good moments– like when I told her today about my clothing size revelation. I don’t always hit my major milestones in life, but sometimes the small ones are just as sweet.

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