So, I met with the ex today. It wasn’t something I really wanted to do. But, after the great computer fiasco of 2013, I discovered that I was missing one of my Office CDs and I’d thought he might have it. He didn’t, but he wanted to meet up anyway so we could exchange some small items we both still had.
I was kind of nervous about the meeting. That’s what obsessive viewings of the Investigation Discovery channel will do to you. But it was fine. He came up, we exchanged items (kind of weird, because he was giving me things he’d bought for me back when we were still together), and made some awkward small talk.
Then he asked if I’d eaten yet, and I panicked and said ‘no, but I have plans.’ Um yeah, my plans involved take out from Rod Dee and a movie On Demand. He took off and I watched him leave from my living room window.
It was only later that I realized that he’d changed out of his work clothes, shaved, put in his contacts, and had probably been hoping for more than our brief interaction ended up being. It made me feel bad. But also, there was a reason it didn’t work out between us and seeing him again confirmed that it’s better that we’re not together.
So, through the magic of Twitter and Facebook I have discovered that a guy I used to date is now married. [This is not the first time this has happened].
This is a guy for whom I fell hard, head over heels like a pinwheel. I’ve never felt the way I did about him about anyone else. We had instant chemistry… I’ll admit, I was pretty obsessed with him.
This is also a guy who was a royal jerk [why is this such a theme with me?]. He told me to my face that I was second best and he was only spending time with me because the girl he was really interested in didn’t want him. Nice, huh. Needless to say, I didn’t like hearing that [who would?] and even though it was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do, I broke it off with him.
I used to fantasize about running into him randomly, and he’d be shocked to see me, and he’d instantly regret that he was so dumb, and he’d be so sorry he treated my amazing and fabulous self so poorly. That is, until I actually DID run into him randomly this one time in the customs line in India. After I’d flown almost a full 24 hours halfway around the world, was sweaty, gross, wearing my glasses, and was also nearly 30 lbs heavier than the last time I’d seen him. No joke, I spent the entire time in line holding up a piece of paper to shield my face. It was utterly embarrassing. A romcom gone horribly wrong.
Nevertheless, I still had some kind of vague interest in him and would hope that he was alone and dateless, just like me. But I guess I have to end that fantasy of mine, now that I’ve scrolled through his wedding pictures [to the girl he was really interested in, all those years ago… Yeah]. It’s a little surprising how much it hurts to have to let go of that little curl of vague hope. I’m not upset that this guy is no longer available– in the end, he was a huge asshole and broke my heart. I’d never want to put myself through that rollercoaster of emotions twice, and anyone who thinks they can tell me I’m second best and get away with it has another thing coming. But I’m kind of sad that my fantasy is over and I must put it to rest.
Have you ever run across an ex and felt regrets when the reality no longer matched the picture in your head?
When you start password protecting your blog posts, you make it VERY difficult for me to conduct my online stalking in a proper fashion! I demand that this situation be rectified AT ONCE.